Thursday, February 25, 2010
Story 3
Yesterday around 9 am, Nina Cortez, a bookkeeper at the North Point Inn was robbed. A man carrying a knife entered the room Nina was in and took 130.00 dollars that Nina had just taken out of the safe. She was unable to do much but scream since she was knocked to the floor from falling in her chair. Once the man left she quickly locked the door behind him and waited for police. One man by the name of Kevin Blohm was stabbed in the hallway by the robbers. Nina has said that the robber was wearing blue jeans and a blue plaid button up shirt and blue tennis shoes. She also has said that she does not think this robber acted alone. She was unable to identify him by his face due to the floral scarf he had tied over his head.
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Do you think she could have described the color of the scarf? She remembered that he had on blue shoes. I liked this story, because you included what the robber was wearing so the population reading your article will be on the look-out for him.
ReplyDeleteA few things I would have done differently: first, where is the North Point Inn? Second, Why no quotes? You could have spiced up the lead with a quote from Nina, Third, you had some grammatical errors, you need $130 not 130.00 and also, it should be, button-up shirt. Lastly, maybe you could have included the condition of Kevin Blohm, the man who was stabbed in the hallway.
ReplyDeleteI thought you did a good job on the story. I would have added at least one quote though. And pay attention to the errors Michael pointed out.
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